Sun, Apr. 4th, 2004, 03:23 pm
so its a week after take off. im on my way to somewhere..to me it seems as if im going no where reall frickin fast..on a lighter note, this space food is terrible....im done with it...frozen meat, french fries....taste like crap..one thing is for sure, i havent lost my childish sense of humor...i make jokes with myself constantly....i find it funny that i laugh at the fact that I may not make it home...for the most part, I realize that I should be scared...but it actually ammuses me and my sick sense of humor....I wonder what Jacob is doing at this moment..I hope he isn't giving her a hard time...my love doesnt deserve that. My calculations show that I should be arriving at my destination very very shortly...But to my crew back down in Houston, shortly is just an adverb describing the time of 1 day to a year....we'll see, we'll see....God I miss her...her eyes.....her brown eyes, short hair.
sorry about lack of information in my journal...it seems to me that all power is losing itself...slowly.
10:05 a.m-all systems lose information sent to me from Houston
10:15-a.m-seems to me that all power is lost......all thats left is my battery which i am using for my computer....
if only my computer wasnt so big. but then again, scientist say that by the year 2015, computers will fit in our pockets...maybe, maybe...what am i? who am i? where am i? maybe my oxygen is all gone.....can they hear my screams? this is what i dream...i dream the future...i dream the past...i dream of her
im up here, and still all i here is this bla bla bla that tends to make me go crazy.....i think i am giving up. i never got to say goodbye...this is killing me. i loved someone very much so on earth. Now here i am in space thinking of her non-stop..the way her hair smelled like shampoo....the way she laughed....her smile..her touch..the way she would kiss me....shit, why did we have to fight? i am so dum sometimes. For som odd reason, I dont think I am ever coming back to earth....but for now, all I can do is pray...yes me praying...i know it sounds odd....but thats all Ive been doing..God is the only one here with me...I have to remember that...GOd, Im so alone......
Time-sometimes it is not on our side and we wonder why this is...Who is in control? Who?? I've heard so much of this God but does he exsist? Maybe but probably not...Or so they say. While I was in my concentration, I ceased to realize that I was no longer on Earth. I was somewhere between Earth and the, God knows how long, miles and miles of space out there. I thought of starting a journal so now I have this...a book of thoughts for my way to Mars. But at the same time I have to idea what to write...I know I've been going on and on and on....But I guess I should introduce myself...My name is Drydent Marshams. I have been in training for this mission for the past 4 years..Jesus Christ that was a bad 4 years. SO much happened I must say. My son was born just as this liar of a president was elected. Jacob we called him for the light is truely the last thing he will see...He is blind in both eyes...This is why there is no God...My wife left me 2 years back when he was only 1 and now, all I have, is his eyes to remind me of home...but where is this home we speak of? God has no idea where....nor do I for that matter....I've always been interested in space since I was at least 8 in the small town of Orange, CA. God those were good days...I knew what I had to do...but by the time I realized it, I was already in an airplane flying over the Japanese Coast risking my life....Shit that was scary...What was even worse was I put a bullet through hundreds of enemies by order...You know, I cant make it...I wont make it...I cant...
So as I just entered the ship, it was apparent to me that there was little hope on landing on-basically a...I have no idea...maybe a hell-hole of a planet. It is much too complex to even think about. And it seems to me that the only hope I have is to pray and wonder why I thought people even cared when I now they fucking dont care....its scary. Listen to me...its fucking true...you never cared. And here I go. The countdown begins..10..9...8...between the numbers counting down I realize I'm not coming back. Or maybe I am..7...6....5...between 5 and 4..I come to acknowledge the fact that I'm, alone, going to Mars..Was this not my dream in the first place??..